too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
