Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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