Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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