All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
