you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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