I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
