I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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