My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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