i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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