I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
