My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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