the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
