Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love having hate sex.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
