why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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