i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
