forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
