I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
