i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
