im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
