he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
