Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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