As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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