In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
