why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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