So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drake has all the answers
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
