You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
