woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
