In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
