Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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