I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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