I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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