Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
