I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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