1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
