I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
