piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
