You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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