If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
