So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it was like eating out sand paper
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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