I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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