She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
