I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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