OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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