he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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