I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
