Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
