i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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