Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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