At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
