Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
