I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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