I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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