I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
