My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
