what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
