i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
