I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
