If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
