Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
