I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
honey bunches of taint.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
