the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
